Hello dear friends in faith,
Today, let’s look at an instruction that the apostle Peter offers to believing husbands and some stark implications of disobedience to this instruction:
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
— 1 Peter 3:7
To fully understand the instruction that the apostle is writing to the exiles, we need to track back to see the previous groupings of his instructions.
First, we see an instruction for believers when dealing with unbelieving human authorities such as the government:
Be subject for the sake of the Lord to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority,
— 1 Peter 2:13
We also see an instruction directed to the slaves who have unbelieving masters. In this case, the unbelieving masters are termed as the inconsiderate ones:
Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are crooked.
— 1 Peter 2:18
After that, we see another set of instructions directed towards wives on how, as believers, they should deal with their unbelieving spouses:
In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
— 1 Peter 3:1
We know that Peter continues to keep the same theme of how believers should behave around unbelievers. This is why he begins this verse by saying “in the same way” or, in other translations, he uses the word “likewise.” This phrase suggests that, in the same way the previous statements were directed to the relationship between a believer and an unbeliever, the wives here are also instructed on how they should deal with their unbelieving husbands.
It is on this note that we find ourselves in the verse we’re looking at today. Similar to the previous verse, it starts with the phrase “likewise” or “in the same way.” This suggests that Peter is moving his focus from instructing a believing wife on how to deal with her unbelieving husband towards instructing a believing husband on how he should deal with his unbelieving wife.
Peter says that the believing husband should live with his unbelieving wife with understanding. Here, the word suggests a sense of consideration and empathy. Obviously, the first thing the believing husband should understand is that he is living with an unbeliever. He should be able to understand that the values he holds might not be the same as those of his unbelieving spouse.
This idea of living with understanding also suggests that the husband should continuously seek to understand the needs and desires of his spouse.
This goes against the standard cultural practice at the time, where the husband was not necessarily expected to act towards his wife in this manner. The stakes are escalated when you consider that they have different beliefs.
Even in our culture today, it is not uncommon to find that a believing spouse can act prejudicially towards their unbelieving wife, justifying it by citing the differences in their faith.
While such practices might not be exactly direct and obvious, they can be hidden in scenarios where the husband decides to make himself unavailable to his unbelieving wife by busying himself with matters of the church or ministry. The husband can claim that he is serving God while neglecting his marital duties simply because his spouse is not in the faith.
To such practices, Peter says the husband should live with his wife with understanding. That is, he should live with his unbelieving wife in such a way as to meet her needs and perform all his marital duties despite the fact that she is an unbeliever.
Peter then goes on to highlight that, as a woman, she is a weaker vessel. Here, he highlights that there are certain things she will be prone to that he might not necessarily be tempted by. A good example of such things is the overindulgence in their outward appearance, which Peter addresses in the previous verses:
Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
— 1 Peter 3:3-4
While typically speaking, the husband would not find himself overly indulging in his adornment, the wife would typically be prone to beautifying herself, which might lead to a focus on the outside rather than the inner person.
These are things that the believing husband needs to understand, remembering that even though she is the weaker vessel, they are both equal heirs of the grace of having a family together and raising a family together. This grace is bestowed upon them equally.
Finally, we see the warning at the end of the verse. Peter tells the believing husband that if he fails to live with his unbelieving wife with understanding, then his prayers will be hindered. The prayer that Peter is referring to here is the one prayer that every believing husband living with an unbelieving wife has: the prayer for her salvation. Peter is saying that if the believing husband fails to live with her with understanding and fails to show honor to her, then that will hinder his prayer for her salvation.
Let us remember that this applies not only to believing husbands with unbelieving spouses. Peter’s point all along is that if we are to evangelize to the unbelievers in our lives—be it our friends, children, relatives, employers, employees, clients, acquaintances, neighbors, and so forth—the thing we need to watch is our conduct around them.
I pray this word reminds us that our greatest evangelistic tool is our conduct.
May the God of peace be with you all.
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